M.I.A.

Oh goodness, where do I even start?! It has been quite some time since I have written anything here. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted to.

Each time I log into the site, I scroll through and look at the daily prompts for inspiration. I choose one and then ….

Nothing.

All these thoughts roll around in my head but I am left staring at a blank screen. The words “daily prompt: (insert word)” just stare back at me. I’ll begin to type and erase my thoughts over and over again for minutes, sometimes hours, before I decide to quit.

But, why?
FEAR.

So many times in my life I have been scolded for expressing myself. Time and time again I have been lectured about things I have written and/or posted to social media.

“Why can’t you write about positive things?” … “Nobody needs to know your business” … “That’s going to come back and bite you in the ass” …

When I started this blogging journey, I had found the courage to say “F*CK YOU!” to the comments above. I decided that I would unapologetically be myself and let the toxic, unsupportive people in my life show themselves the door. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and my confidence quickly disappeared.

The lectures kept coming. The comments were still made. The anxiety of what would be said or thought by others became overwhelming and I felt trapped in a corner all over again.

I am still afraid to post here. There were a ton of good one word prompts to choose from today and a lot of them were related to the struggles I have been faced with the past year or so … but I cannot bring myself to let it out.

The only thing I can do at this point is pray that one day I, and those I want in my life, can accept me for me … flaws and all.

 

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